I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
