You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
