Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
