she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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