I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All the doctor said was why
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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