last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
