I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
