Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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