Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
