I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
