I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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