it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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