i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
