his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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