According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
