so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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