Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
