Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
