sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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