We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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