But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is Oprah even human
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
