I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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