my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize