whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
