is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we should paint friendship bongs
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