thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
