you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I pour the whiskey from now on
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
