just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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