i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
