pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
