these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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