she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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