The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize