thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
