If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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