amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
