Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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