I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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