Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
