Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
