Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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