i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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