he puts the penis in happiness.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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