does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
