Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
