I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
