She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
