well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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