On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
