i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize