Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i think i just lost a toe
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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