youre lurking in front of me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
