I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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