I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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