the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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