Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
