At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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