you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
