Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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