just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
