when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
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he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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