So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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