but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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