quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
