I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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