Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
