and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
