I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
