He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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