ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
