she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
as a side note pls kill me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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