Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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