Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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