that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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