i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
